Yesterday was a hard day. I won't go into great detail, but I felt attacked. I really don't know exactly how Satan works. I've been taught certain things about spiritual warfare, but sometimes I wonder if Christians don't give more credit to Satan to justify their own flesh. Then at other times, I wonder if I'm not fighting the principalities of darkness like I should. Oblivious to what is really going on. I need to study this further.
But, anyway, yesterday it felt like something else was going on beyond my own fleshly tendencies. First of all I was very tired from being up since 4AM, Lily woke up early and then didn't nap at all, I got a phone call that put doubts in my head about someone I greatly love and this continued to plague me throughout the day, and there was other stuff too.....But the good news is there was victory. I was so tempted to crawl into a hole and succomb to despair. I felt like running away! I was so weary. Instead I prayed and cried out over and over again, "Lord, show me the truth. Help me to cling to your hope. Give me strength to make it through this day." This may sound overly dramatic, but really it was that bad of a day. :) God did come through for me as He always does. I thanked Him as I buried my head into my pillow last night.
His mercies are new every morning! Today things are so much better. This feels like a victory in my faith life, especially as I journey farther into this pregnancy. During my pregnancy with Lily I struggled a lot with sleep issues and sadness, and then it got super bad after she was born. I didn't feel good or like myself until I weaned her at 13 months. Much of this was due to sleep deprevation and hormones, but some of it was also a faith issue. It's a rather long story but God delievered me from that pit of despair, brought to light areas of disbelief in my heart and placed my feet on solid ground. When I get very tired it is still a temptation to go back to those dark places, but yesterday I didn't. :) Praise God!
I feel almost embarrassed to write this because I know there are many people out there going through hard day after hard day, illnesses, loss of job, infertility, depression, etc... I wonder if this is what keeps us from truly sharing our hearts, our doubts, our stuggles. The feeling that I should be able to handle this on my own. My life is good compared to.... I don't want to live like that though. The truth is sometimes I struggle. In some ways I feel like I'm just now learning to walk by faith. That's a story for another day. I've heard salvation described as a caterpillar and butterfly, the transformation and new life. A new creation. I was made a butterfly many years ago but I'm now really learning how to fly. I like it. I'm now beginning to understand what freedom in Christ means.
**************************************************
Home stuff....
I made a nice supper last evening: Ham with cloves and a honey glaze, green beans, and baked acorn squash. It tasted so good to all three of us. I was glad. :)
I love the smells of autumn, especially candles and food cooking. I recently started making my own household cleaners that are safe and "green" and I purchased a few essential oils. Our house gets so dry in the cooler months so I've been simmering water on the stove with cinnamon and clove essential oils. It smells so warm and homey. I love it!
Here's to a new day!
Maria
But, anyway, yesterday it felt like something else was going on beyond my own fleshly tendencies. First of all I was very tired from being up since 4AM, Lily woke up early and then didn't nap at all, I got a phone call that put doubts in my head about someone I greatly love and this continued to plague me throughout the day, and there was other stuff too.....But the good news is there was victory. I was so tempted to crawl into a hole and succomb to despair. I felt like running away! I was so weary. Instead I prayed and cried out over and over again, "Lord, show me the truth. Help me to cling to your hope. Give me strength to make it through this day." This may sound overly dramatic, but really it was that bad of a day. :) God did come through for me as He always does. I thanked Him as I buried my head into my pillow last night.
His mercies are new every morning! Today things are so much better. This feels like a victory in my faith life, especially as I journey farther into this pregnancy. During my pregnancy with Lily I struggled a lot with sleep issues and sadness, and then it got super bad after she was born. I didn't feel good or like myself until I weaned her at 13 months. Much of this was due to sleep deprevation and hormones, but some of it was also a faith issue. It's a rather long story but God delievered me from that pit of despair, brought to light areas of disbelief in my heart and placed my feet on solid ground. When I get very tired it is still a temptation to go back to those dark places, but yesterday I didn't. :) Praise God!
I feel almost embarrassed to write this because I know there are many people out there going through hard day after hard day, illnesses, loss of job, infertility, depression, etc... I wonder if this is what keeps us from truly sharing our hearts, our doubts, our stuggles. The feeling that I should be able to handle this on my own. My life is good compared to.... I don't want to live like that though. The truth is sometimes I struggle. In some ways I feel like I'm just now learning to walk by faith. That's a story for another day. I've heard salvation described as a caterpillar and butterfly, the transformation and new life. A new creation. I was made a butterfly many years ago but I'm now really learning how to fly. I like it. I'm now beginning to understand what freedom in Christ means.
**************************************************
Home stuff....
I made a nice supper last evening: Ham with cloves and a honey glaze, green beans, and baked acorn squash. It tasted so good to all three of us. I was glad. :)
I love the smells of autumn, especially candles and food cooking. I recently started making my own household cleaners that are safe and "green" and I purchased a few essential oils. Our house gets so dry in the cooler months so I've been simmering water on the stove with cinnamon and clove essential oils. It smells so warm and homey. I love it!
Here's to a new day!
Maria
No comments:
Post a Comment